I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
