It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
