Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
