I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
