So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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