I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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