Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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