I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
