Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
