I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
