Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
