He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
