As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
