I can tuck mytits in my pants
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He better not be in your backpack
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
