every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
