You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
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