You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
