I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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