Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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