Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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