soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
