Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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