8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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