I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
