she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
