I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
