bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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