I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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