My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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