I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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