My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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