He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
