no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
