I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
