We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
