Cold hands, warm shart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
