Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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