Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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