let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
