In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
