All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
