I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
