My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
