How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
