Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
