One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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