if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
