So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
