i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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