let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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