He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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